How to Fix a Sh*tty Smoothie

PicFrameSometimes, even with our best intentions and springboard from which to start, our best-foot-forward effort ends up in an undesirable mess. Such as it goes with life, and with smoothies. I recently sent my bff B a step-by-step dissertation of how to fix a sh*tty smoothie via iMessage (emojis and all). It all started because I wanted to try a new vegan protein powder. I usually use whey to prot-ify my smoothies, but the guts can’t hack whey powder AND a Greek yogurt in the same day (no bueno). So I turned to my friend Amazon Prime (since I have no time to go peruse a natural foods store during my lunch break, when I would rather just eat my lunch) and checked out their vegan protein powder selection. Wow! I was impressed. Unsurprisingly, they literally have EVERYTHING. Amazon, you’re killing it! The Amazon reviewers however: you are in the doghouse for leading me astray (“Great tasting and it blends well!” and “I have tried several other protein powders and this is the best one by far.” —> Um, no. You cray!). I had three criteria for the vegan protein powder when I was ordering: a) is not ridiculously expensive; b) does not come in anything larger than 1 lb in case I hate it and c) reviewers gave it 4 stars or higher. I chose two brands, one was phenomenal (which I posted about in the Vegan Pumpkin Protein Power Muffins) and the other one was BAD. Like, really bad. Chalky, no vanilla flavor (instead a very unappealing flavor in its place), bleh – literally wanted to spit my smoothie out. It was that bad. Like a lot of my peers (that’s you guys!), my grandparents grew up during the Depression so wasting food is a major sin in my household. Unless it’s literally rancid, it’s going to get eaten and not wasted. Thus, Operation Smoothie Saving was in order.

photo 1

The start of the smoothie fail. Before I even knew just how bad it was.

To start, the following ingredients were in my smoothie:

  • 1 frozen banana
  • 1 cup of frozen mixed berries
  • 1/4 cup of pureed pumpkin
  • 1 scoop of the evil vegan vanilla protein powder
  • A few shakes of cinnamon
  • Unsweetened vanilla almond milk
  • Flax seeds

(Pretty legit start, right?? You would think that this smoothie would be awesome, since I’ve posted my love for this combination previously, and generally speaking, it f**king rocks. But you would be wrong. The chalkiness of the protein powder overwhelmed all the other flavors. BIG womp).

Operation Smoothie Saving to the rescue!

Step One: Add spice. I already had cinnamon in there, so I added even more cinnamon, as well as cloves and nutmeg. I then re-blended the smoothie.

photo 2

This is the “beginning” smoothie phot. I added even MORE cinnamon, plus cloves and nutmeg. Still – awful.

Result: I can still taste that f-ed up protein powder! Whaaaat.

photo 3

You think this would be amaze-balls, right? Wrong. It was horrendous.

Step Two: Time to bring out the big guns. Add Hershey’s Special Dark cocoa powder AND cayenne pepper. Throw in a few chunks of crystallized ginger (I had no fresh, but fresh ginger root would be even better!) – because, why not. At this point, it can’t get any worse.

photo 4Result: Much better. Aaaaah, smoothie nirvana achieved. πŸ˜€

photo 5

Lucky for us, dark chocolate cocoa powder, cayenne and ginger are a fantastic combo. And, if enough is added, they completely and utterly negate any sh*tty vegan protein powder aftertaste. Praise the powers that be!

So, life lesson of the day. Do not give up on your sh*tty smoothie. Fight to the bitter end.

photo

Top that puppy with some cinnamon and call it a day. Operation Smoothie Saving = success! πŸ˜€ After all the additions, this smoothie ended up being MAJ.

With that, it’s ALMOST Friday! Wooohooo! I hope you all are smiling today. ❀

xoxox

L

PS: Mom, I know I’m killing you with all the swears right now, but I can’t help it. Blame Dad. πŸ˜›

25 thoughts on “How to Fix a Sh*tty Smoothie

  1. I have made many shitty smoothies in my day…..i think the worst was when I decided to throw in an orange bell pepper, orange rind, and a beet all in the same banana/green/bad vegan protein powder mess……I didn’t try to fix it though, I just endured (and it was a Nalgene full….).

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    • Haha! You deserve an award! My friend was over when I was making this one after a long run, and I was like “Dude, you have to taste this. It’s SO bad!” And she tasted it, made a horrible face and was like “Yeah, that’s reaaaally bad.”

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  2. Nice! For a while everyone at my work was on the Shakeology train. I tried the vegan chocolate flavor and it tasted like straight dog crap. No amount of cayenne was fixing that. My favorites are Plant Fusion’s vanilla bean and Raw Fit’s Marley Coffee flavor – only when mixed with the Califia Farms iced coffees, though.

    I really think it’s a very personal preference in choosing a protein powder! πŸ™‚

    Like

    • LOL – sometimes there is just never enough cayenne! I will try Plant Fusion next, thanks for the suggestion! πŸ™‚ I’ve never seen the Raw Fit Coffee flavor either, once I get through the 38792139 lbs of protein powder I currently have, I will try that one too!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha! No worries – I do the same thing ALL THE TIME! And then I feel like bozo (dingbat? silly goose? All of these phrases sound like I’m from 1952, but I know how you feel). I am on your wavelength girl, I gotcha! πŸ˜‰

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  3. Pingback: Green Citrus Smoothie | Bubbles and booyah

  4. Pingback: Friday Faves! | Bubbles and booyah

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