I remember learning about “suspension of disbelief” in high school English class (specifically, Modern Drama): in which the reader suspends judgement and overlooks the implausibility of a narrative in fiction in order to immerse themselves within the story. It is still essential for storytelling purposes today, mostly for CSI: Miami (or any variation), True Blood and the cleanliness of dive bar bathrooms. It was extremely relevant yesterday in what I shall call The Shrimp Incident.
Let me set the stage for you. Act One: Three friends are sitting in a bar overlooking the water in Portsmouth, NH, laughing and enjoying a cocktail before exploring the quaint New England town. Hors d’oeuvres arrive. L, down half a very strong cucumber martini and being the closest to the jalapeno poppers, launches a whole one into her mouth. Chatting and laughing continues, while L’s cousin J and his girlfriend E dig into the fried avocado slices. E removes a popper and slices it in half, upon which, a shrimp is discovered inside.
L (with a sinking feeling of despair) : Maybe that’s just an outlier!
E: Did yours have shrimp, L?
L: I don’t know….I hope not…[nervously gulps the martini in front of her]
J, removes the remaining jalapeno poppers and slices them in half. The audience sees each and every one has a shrimp nestled inside.
L: WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?! Who puts SHRIMP in jalapeno poppers?! Wtf!!!
J: I’m sorry L, I thought I ordered two vegetarian appetizers.
L: Not your fault. [Downs the remainder of her martini.]
J (with one eyebrow raised, and a semi-sarcastic devilish grin): Maybe you can throw this fried avocado slice into the ocean to make up for it.
Act Two: Three friends step outside a bar, overlooking the water. L is visibly upset and distressed, clutching a panko-crusted fried avocado slice in between her two fingers. They walk to the edge of the water.
L: I’m sorry shrimp. [She hurls the avocado slice into the sea and crosses herself].
J (in a playful, mocking tone): Is your balance aligned now?
L (eyes downcast): I guess.
Yeah, so that happened. Womppppp. I was so distressed I bought a Zeolite-Ruby bracelet at a hippie store in Portsmouth to re-align my chakras. In all of the 16 years or so of being a vegetarian, I can count the f*ckups on one hand (where I was served meat or seafood and unknowingly ate it. And every other time I realized immediately and spit it out. I blame my cuke martini for dulling my senses and swallowing that sucker whole – bleh!!). I was so pissed. I kept trying to tell myself over and over that my jalapeno popper did NOT have a shrimp inside (internal monologue: That shrimp did not exist. That shrimp did not exist.), but that was proven incorrect when full-body rejection occurred (I’ll spare you the grisly details). At least it’s out of my system, my chakra bracelet is bringing me back into alignment, I’ve sacrificed to the ocean gods for my transgression, and the Buffalo Bills are playing today. Oh, and I got a really great smelling Christmas candle I’m pretty stoked about (burning that is kind of like white-sage-ing a room, right??).
Anyway, today’s life lesson:
Shit happens that is out of your control. You’ve gotta let it go and move on, man.
Sometimes you just have to realize that these things happen, and you can’t let it ruin your day (or weekend). It happened, and now I have to let it go and make peace. Ain’t no thang, tofu-wing!
Peace, love, and shrimp-free awakening,
PS: RIP Shrimp.
PPS: My friends had some pretty amazing reactions:
B: What did the avocado slice ever do to you?
K: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! Boooooooooooooooooooo :o( (insert 3 shrimp emojis, 3 gasping-face emojis, 3 crying face emojis)
M: Oh noooooo I hate it when that shit happens! I hope you don’t get sick. (next text): Lol I’m dying about the avo slice!
D: Who DOES THAT! Jalapeno poppers don’t have shrimp in them!
J (my sister): Nooooooooo! This will cheer you up (sends pic of my 8 month old nephew)